Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Be a Mom for your own Reasons not Pinterests'

There are so many great ideas on Pinterest, Facebook, and awesome blogs like this one!  But in all seriousness, these awesome ideas everyone has and all these wonderful things everyone is doing with their kids, their families, and their talents it can be difficult not to compare yourself to what everyone else is doing and feel like, “Am I doing enough.”  “Is what I’m doing good enough.” Well I am hear to say the answer is....Complicated. I was going to say, “Yes, Yes I am!”  I cannot leave a thought at that I have to think it to death but in this case it is going to be worth the read.  "Am I doing enough?"  There is a good way to tell if you are doing enough or doing it right.  Here are some questions to help you answer this question...

“Do I LOVE what I am doing?” ...  One of my all-time favorite dreams come true, being a mom.  In a recent study done at my household I found that I completely suck at cooking healthy meals and spending my day cooking and cleaning the house and perfecting them.  Just suck at it!  Not to mention the fact that it is not my bag.  I don’t like it.  It does not drive me or give me passion in life.  I have some fabulous friends who are the best cooks, in fact I hear it from my kids, other friends who are really good at being patient and quiet and nurturing, and yet more friends who make the cutest crafts and baked goods for their kids.  I sometimes think, “Wow they have it all, Why can’t I.” Well, I try, I try really hard to pull all of this off, because that is what being a good mom is right?  No.  Most of us do not have it all even if they seem like it.  Being a mom is not an idealistic fantasy of having perfection.  A mom who can DO IT ALL.  A mom who can work, craft, cook, and make a ladybug sandwich.  I LOVE my friends I gain great insight from how they parent and do things in their family and I have the best examples around me, I am truly blessed and truly grateful.  What I have realized is that I need to use in my life what works and appreciate others for what works for them but leave it at that.  So if I do not like to cook elaborate meals, clean a spotless home, or make cutesy crafts then don’t.  The people blogging and pinning and sharing these ideas, do LOVE them, I don’t have to too.  I do not have to live up to this ideal, all I have to do is be the mom that I LOVE and my kids will love me too.  Sure we are the adults in the relationship so we will occasionally have to do things that the kids like that we don’t but that is what I LOVE about being a MOM.  Seeing those happy smiles on my kids face.  I found that I wasn’t happy being a mom, it wasn’t because I did not like being a mom it was because I did not like being the mom I thought I had to be.  So I am learning that even though these are generally things that moms are in charge of I can find a way to make it work for me and what I enjoy.  So I throw some food in the crock pot, make crafts that I can do if ever needed (or that saves me money), and clean in stages and time myself so I do not feel like I have to have the home spotless.  The real love of being a MOM is the ones who make it all possible, my kids!  The smiles, hugs, and talks I have with my kids; those are the memories that I will keep with me and that they will keep with them.  The burnt grilled cheese, the bike rides, the soccer games, decorating the house, and the same old caramel popcorn that we LOVE will be my passion for being a mom.  Put your focus on what YOU love, not what someone else does!    

“Do I idle my time away?”  ... DO NOT SAY LAZY, do not say it, do not even think it!!!! You are not LAZY you are most likely just a perfectionist and just want to have everything perfect, which isn’t possible, so stop that and stop that negative talk.  Try writing down everything you do for a week.  How much time do you spend online, watching TV, Sleeping, Hanging out with friends, working, and time with your family etc.?  This will give you the reality check you are in need of.  Maybe you do need to waste less time or maybe you need to rest some more and give yourself a little pampering.  I find that when I am depressed I do the ZONE OUT!  TV, Facebook, Internet, whatever will take my mind off the pain.  Maybe you just need help.  Get some if you do, it’s okay, the best thing I ever did.

“Am I enjoying my Kids?”... Maybe you are doing a ton of really neat “Mom” things that you like but are you missing out on special moments with your kids.  Make sure that we do not over do it so that we have time to enjoy our kids.  When do you need to slow down and take a minute to just spend time with your kids.  Do you catch yourself saying, “Not right now,” “In a minute,” or “I’m too busy.”  Maybe you could slow down and read the kids a book, go for a walk with the family, or just sit around and hang out telling each other about your day.  Now I’m not saying that you always have to drop everything to do this.  In fact, the other night my daughter tried to come out of her bed and read me a book in the middle of my night time pick up.  Well, I had just spent a bunch of time with her and I needed to get some things done before I went to bed and so I could sleep at a decent hour so I could be a happy mom tomorrow.  You just need to listen to that little voice inside of you.  It will tell you when to put something down, you just have to listen.  If there is a lot of anger in your home chances are that nobody is getting what they need.  We need love, we all need love and in order to feel love we have to have time to show our love and get to know our kids.  Spend at least 2 minutes of undivided attention with each kid everyday.  It is doable and not overwhelming.  You can do it.  Before bed is a great time.  You will be surprised at the changes you see.   Chances are you won’t want to stop at two minutes.  On busy days you have to, just tell yourself, "I have two minutes."

“Are you doing enough?”

Make changes that would benefit you and your family.  Keep the good.  No jealousy, comparisons, or put downs; simply appreciate and leave the rest.
"It’s Enough"

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